This Blog Thing

My senior year is coming to an end. So I’ve started to wonder about this blog and where it’s going. I really want to continue writing. It’s been very therapeutic. Writing these posts, I mean. I don’t always explain, face to face with someone in conversation, my exact, complete thoughts and this blog has been good for that. I can talk about how I’m feeling or what I’ve been thinking about lately and not get interrupted--rather selfish of me I know. But it’s so nice to express my thoughts without someone butting in with their own opinions and advice thinking it’s their turn to contribute to the conversation. You know how it is--you’ll talk a little and then they’ll talk a little taking turns back and forth. And I’m not under the pressure to write an entire story, or a book for that matter.

The thing is there are so many things I could write about. There’s just one problem--they come in bursts. I want to be able to write posts when I have my writing bursts. If I’m not at the computer writing it down as I think it, it gets lost. I don’t have a laptop which would really help things. I’m getting one this fall though :D :D !!!

So many times I lose ideas, can’t get down my complete thought, or don’t write the exact way I wanted to say something simply because my brain works too fast. I have a notebook to write in if I can’t access the computer, but I don’t know if I’m just a slow writer or if things just come to me so much faster than I can write them down. Even at the computer, I can get lost. I’ll start typing out a sentence and then continue thinking and expand, expand, expand, until I remember that I have an unfinished sentence and I totally forgot how it went. And then, just like that, I'll forget the details of the paragraph or so that I’d written in my head. As you can tell, I’ve had a lot of unfinished thoughts.

Or, things go unfinished--or at least not to my liking--because it’s an assignment and I don’t have the time to stop, take a step back, mull it over in my brain, come back to it, and figure out the best way to convey my meaning. And when something is done, it’s done. Handing it in and having somebody read it kills all incentive to go back and straighten it all out--unless of course it’s a first draft and I have to redo it.

Right now, my blog is my voice unread. No one reads these words flowing out of my fingers right now. Well, maybe three...and my class is forced to, but even that is being optimistic. But I like it that way. I don’t want to expand, optimize, monetize my blog prematurely. This is my last assigned post--which is a “whatever you want.” I want to be consistently writing posts on my own before I have the world--possibly--reading them. I guess I'm just cautious like that because I hate failing myself.

So, I hope I will continue on, but for a little while it might just be here and there. I'm not promising anything.

Depression

This week was probably the worst possible week to get sick.  I had a speech to give, play practice to go to (the play is next week too and when I get sick, it lingers), and I had to write a post about depression.  Depression is probably the worst topic to write about when you're sick.  I was weak and miserable and just researching depression made me depressed, but I realized that my lethargy was no where near what people go through who suffer from depression.   

Depression is a silent killer. Many who suffer from it can hide it enough to go unnoticed and never ask for help. Many don’t even realize they have a problem and think everyone deals with the same emotions and physical problems. Suicide is thought to be the only way out; that no one will help because this disease tends to cause people to have negative, distrusting thoughts towards others. Depression also causes the feeling of worthlessness which leads to delusional thoughts like “No one would want to help me or care if I died.”

Causes of Depression

• Physical, mental, or sexual abuse
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• Prolonged illness
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• Chronic pain
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• Medication
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• Relationship conflict
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• Loved one’s death or any personal loss
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• Addiction
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• Stressful events
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• Other personal problems such as rejection and insecurity
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• No reason or none that has been discovered yet

Though these factors cause depression there still has to be another reason. After all, people live through many of the trials listed above without having depression.